***Hello***
As 2014 comes to an end (I'm starting this post at 11:49 PM New Years Eve) I've seen a plethora of posts reflecting on the past year and preparing for the new. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post anything, and I still want to do a video summary, but as I am on vacation and unable to have any alone time, that won't happen for a few weeks. I'm ending my year in the same place I started it, my mom's house in Florida. I'm like 50 feet away from the beach, and terrified of the ocean. Although I have worked on that a bit.
I started the year out missing my friends and home. I vowed not to spend the christmas break in Florida again (and then that changed). I also chose to let my fear of my own mental issues stop me from participating in an event I would have loved. I spent the 7th anniversary of Lydie's death watching my then-crush play video games along with my best friend. At some point during the semester one of my teachers mentioned that they were starting a filmmaking program and that I might do well in it. I considered it for a while and eventually decided to start a second degree. The summer started poorly when the previously mentioned crush who happened to be one of my best friends suddenly stopped talking to me all together. After a few weeks of pain and confusion I moved on. I acted in a play, which was stressful but fun. I went to the county fair basically every day it was there just to see the llamas. And I didn't go to LeakyCon which was probably my biggest mistake of the year. I was also working on a movie for some local people. Around this time I had my first really big breakdown that included more anxiety and panic attacks than usual as well as hallucinations and other weird effects. I still haven't fully recovered from that and kinda came upon a new normal. As the new school year began I was starting my new degree. I loved it and I was finally enjoying going to school again. I'm still doing theater along with my film classes. In fact I was working on two plays at once while running (It's 2015) lights for a play that I can't remember right now and doing odd jobs for the drama club's production of Sweeney Todd. While working on Sweeney Todd I met a boy. And this boy became my first boyfriend. And he's so great. He is absolutely one of my favorite people in the entire world. This is also when I was spending a lot of time going on walks with my camera (and the boy) and it was great. As the semester went on I realized my anxiety problems were getting worse and I didn't (and don't) know why because I was happier than I could remember being in Norfolk in a long time... After missing 3 or 4 weeks of school because I was emotionally not up to going, I finally sought out help. I started going to the school counselor a few weeks before the semester ended. I also somehow managed to get all As and Bs in my classes. This year I also turned 21 which freaked me out but so far is going quite well.
So that is a short bit of what happened to me in 2014. While it wasn't the best year by any means, I made a lot of personal progress and I am so thankful for everyone who has helped me through that.
Now onto the fun part. 2015.
This year has to be better. 2014 beat me down so much, but my goal is to rise from it's ashes. At the end of 2014 I started working towards getting help. and I want to stick with that. My main resolution is to be healthier both mentally and physically. There are many parts of this that I want to work on but I'm just taking small steps along the way. My other goal is to write a web show. I don't know if I will go through any steps of actually producing it this year or at all but I want to write it as web shows are what I want to make with my degree when I finish it.
Taking the break to exchange "happy new years" with family and friends kinda threw my mind off track so I don't remember what else I wanted to say but I think I've probably said enough. Hopefully I am going to keep posting here because apparently writing is supposed to be good for anxiety and depression and such...
***Bye***
No comments:
Post a Comment